Boston has a big problem:  it costs too much to live here. In his "State of the City" speech last week, Mayor Thomas Menino noted that a two-bedroom apartment in half of Boston's neighborhoods costs more than $1,000 a month. He then outlined the usual list of policy prescriptions, none of which will do much to solve this problem.

It's clear to me the Mayor doesn't understand the cause of the crisis. Housing is expensive because people want to live in Boston. Indeed, after decades of flight to the suburbs, the trend is now reversing. People are actually moving back into the city.

We can solve this problem quite easily. Boston's an attractive city to live in. Let's make it less so.

We'll start first with the crime rate. Violent crime in Boston is down dramatically. People in many neighborhoods actually feel safe walking around their streets at night. Street corners that were once havens for prostitution and drug dealing have been cleaned up.

This just will not do. Bring back the prostitutes. Let the drug dealers flourish. Five years ago the city had fewer than 1,800 cops; today that number is over 2,200. So let's cut the size of the police force to, say, 1,000. The crime rate will soar, residents will leave and, voila!, housing prices will drop.

Next, let's deal with the public schools. The Mayor has just announced that he wants to give parents more choice over where they send their children to school — no more hour long bus rides across the city to schools that parents never wanted for their kids in the first place. What a disaster! Putting this policy in place might actually cause families with kids to move back into the city. The result? More demand for housing. Higher housing prices. This school reform initiative needs to be quashed as quickly as possible.

Now the timid out there will say, that's enough. Bringing back crime and stopping school reform should do the trick. But I think we should do more. Basic city services are a big part of the housing problem. For example, Boston currently has a foolish policy of filling potholes when they occur. We need to reverse this. Indeed, for the upcoming fiscal year budget, I plan to propose the city buy special equipment that digs potholes. Send these machines out randomly. The more potholes, the better. The same with the parks. Stop planting grass, flowers and trees. Even better, spread macadam over the Common and the Public Garden. Let the Frog Pond melt, get rid of the Swan Boats and tear down the Parkman bandstand. That'll drive people out.

Finally, encourage lots and lots of commercial development. Let the Red Sox build a megaplex. Indeed, expand it so it covers the Back Bay Fens and then put a dome over the whole thing. Give the Turnpike Authority a green light for the Millennium project. Let the Trust for City Hall Plaza build its hotel. Bring back the Combat Zone. Make the Seaport District all commercial. More skyscrapers and more hotels everywhere!

There are some Bostonians who like to brag about how tough urban living is. Let's make it that way. Drive out all those namby-pamby residents who want safe streets, good schools, decent services, nice parks and some peace and quiet. It may be bad for those of us who stay but, what the heck, at least we'll be able to live cheaply.