Op-Ed; Help out the state and light 'em up

THOMAS M. KEANE, JR.
864 words
10 May 2002
Boston Herald
All Editions
027
English
(Copyright 2002)

To the smokers of Massachusetts: Ask not what your commonwealth can do for you - ask what you can do for your commonwealth.

Hint: It involves taxes.

For those of you who may have missed the story, a quick recap.

The Legislature has been facing a crisis. Over the past several weeks adults without jobs and students without schools have been protesting in front of the State House, thus making it very difficult to deliver togas and beer into lawmakers' offices. House Speaker Tom Finneran, in a bold effort to lure away the demonstrators, went on a speaking tour around the state. His gambit failed. The protesters refused to leave the State House grounds. Worse, people were constantly confusing Finneran with Senate President Tom Birmingham and kept asking whether Robert Reich really was as short as he claims.

With no other options available, the Legislature entered into negotiations with the demonstrators. Luckily, Colin Powell wasn't available, so the discussions actually got somewhere. Turns out, the price of the protesters leaving was a mere $1 billion.

"One billion!" legislators said in shock. "We don't have $1 billion!"

"No, no, not you," said Finneran.

They thought for a few minutes. "Ohhh."

So the House quickly passed a package of tax increases. Working families will pay more - the personal exemption was cut from $4,400 to $3,300.

People with jobs will pay more - the income tax rate was boosted to 5.3 percent from 5 percent. And those selling vacation homes stock will pay more too - the capital gains rate goes from nothing (if you owned it long enough) to 5.3 percent.

You will be relieved to hear, however, that legislators will not have to pay. Whew. That calls for a beer. (And with the protesters now gone, that shouldn't be any problem.)

Oh, and smokers will pay more - a lot more. The tax on a pack of cigarettes will go from 76 cents to $1.51. It will be the highest in the nation. That's one penny more than New York, which means that the Curse is broken and Boston finally will have topped the Big Apple in something.

But I must alert you to a very serious problem.

The state figures the 75-cent increase will yield about $150 million this year. But according to every anti-tobacco group out there, boosting taxes on cigarettes causes people to smoke less. A report from the Surgeon General figures that for every 10 percent increase in the price, the number of smokers falls by 3 percent to 5 percent. Other researchers claim the drop could be even higher.

You see the problem. Instead of $150 million, the new tax might only yield $75 million. Or a true disaster might occur: So many people would stop smoking that revenues from tobacco taxes might actually decrease!

Luckily, prescient lawmakers have already begun to take action. They're planning to cut anti-tobacco spending next year from $49 million to $29 million.

But we must do more.

Instead of telling people to quit, let's encourage them to stick with it. Spend the $29 million on a few subtle ads, along the lines of what the Massachusetts Lottery used to do. Something with Humphrey Bogart, perhaps, showing just how cool a cigarette can be.

It's also important that we go after the kids. Right now, they're being indoctrinated into believing that smoking is a bad thing. Wrong! Without smokers, state government as we know it would cease to exist! Hey kids! Tom, Tom, and Jane say, "Good roads and good schools depend on you. Light one up!"

And with all of those new addicts, it should be no problem boosting the tax even further. Why stop at $1.51? Let's make it a round $10. What are they going to do? I mean, they're addicts, right? Of course they'll pay.

State coffers will be groaning with new cash.

I know what you're thinking: How about all of the people who will die from lung cancer and emphysema? Sure, that's tough. But this is an emergency. We need smokers to do their part.

There's an added benefit as well. If the average smoker dies 10 years early, that's 10 years of Social Security payments we taxpayers save. I figure that's $200,000 per person, easy. Multiply that by the state's 1 million smokers and that's $20 billion a year in savings. Wow! Not only are smokers solving the state's budget crisis, they're helping with the federal deficit as well!

So, the next time you see some smokers, don't make a face and roll your eyes in disgust. Don't mock them as they stand huddled in the rain outside their office buildings. Instead, stick out your hand and say, "Thanks. You've made Massachusetts what it is today."

And, hey, while you're at it: You know, you'd look pretty cool with a cigarette, yourself.

Tom Keane can be reached at tom@tomkeane.com.

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