Marital bliss can’t be written into the script
by Thomas Keane, Jr.
Kimberly
Devlin poses a new question to a fame-addled world: What if real life started
to imitate reality shows?
In a
summer that seems more than usually chock-full of the bizarre (5,000 die in
France because the country turns its nose up at American-style air
conditioning; at least 135 candidates are vying to replace California Gov. Gray
Davis; and the Red Sox haven't completely collapsed even though it is after the
All-Star break), we now have 22-year-old Kimberly turning marriage into a game
show.
The entire spectacle has
such a surreal quality to it that one suspects it may simply be a stunt, an
idea cooked up in Hollywood, with little Kim, her mother and maybe even the
entire town of Southbridge hired as actors.
But let's take it at face value for the
moment. Kim's mother, Donna Wood (she changed her name when she remarried),
doesn't think kindly of her daughter's choice in men.
"She has no luck with
men. The last one she brought home clinched it," says Mom.
Or how about this charming line:
"They say love is blind. For my daughter it's been deaf, dumb and blind."
And then there's the backhanded slap at Kim
as Mom appraises one particularly idiotic suitor: "Her standards are low,
but not that low."
So far, Wood sounds like
mothers everywhere in her assessment of the men their daughters date. Most grit
their teeth and say nothing. Not Wood. Apparently
inspired by the NBC-TV show "Who Wants to Marry My Dad?" she decided
to take matters into her own hands.
With cameras rolling and
reporters looking on, she created her own home-based production of "Who
Wants to Marry My Daughter?" - auditions followed
by five weeks of Kim dating prospects and a screening committee (controlled by
Mom, not daughter) to select the lucky man.
Some see Kim's plight and
her mother's intervention as a commentary on just how hard it is to meet and
date. To those who believe in the idea of a soul mate - and little Kim makes it
clear she does - bars, grocery stores, the Internet and personal ads in
newspapers and magazines seem chancy. If the right man is out there, how will
you ever find him unless you put out the equivalent of an all-points bulletin?
But that's not what this is really all
about.
At one level, it's a sad,
personal tale. Little Kim never graduated from high school, she's the mother of
a 4-year-old (presumably because of a teenage coupling with another one of the
many losers her mother laments) and her ambition in life is to be a nanny. None
of these is fatal. Indeed, except for the fact that her parents aren't wealthy,
her bio could be straight from "Gilmore Girls." Moreover, Kim's cute,
in a big-hair kind of way.
But she is also, quite clearly, a deeply
troubled young adult.
It starts with her mother.
It may well be that the most important and difficult challenge any parent faces
is allowing one's child to become independent. Children begin their lives
completely reliant on their mother and father. At infancy, in fact, the focus
of an infant's eyes is so short that the world it sees consists of little more
than its parents.
As parents know, though,
that changes quickly as kids struggle for their own autonomy. The crescendo of
that struggle is adolescence, and parents grapple with the competing demands of
both guiding their kids and letting them go.
Mama Wood apparently never
let go. Indeed, Wood seems to revel in flaunting her control over her daughter.
Mom's scathing pronouncements about her daughter's failings and the public
nature of her search for a son-in-law all scream, "I'm in charge!"
And it's captured everyone's attention.
After the first round of
interviews, Mom and daughter are off to appear on Sharon Osbourne's
upcoming show. That's not a surprise; it's the real meets the
reality show. In fact, though, reality shows now have a hand in creating
what is real.
How so? The bulk of reality shows, such as
"Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?" have been relentless in their
message: Marriage is the proper goal of a woman. Marry the right guy and you're a success. But be 22
and still unbetrothed? Then, as Mama Wood clearly
believes, you are a failure.
It's an old-fashioned view
of womanhood that once more is fashionable. A woman is
defined not by what she accomplishes but who will have her. And it's a message that apparently resonates with Mom, Kim
and a chunk of the residents of
Too bad.
Should Mom be successful in
her quest, Kim won't find things all that much better. She perhaps will have
traded one kind of dependency for another. But her
problems with men, her education, her career and her sense of self won't have
ended.
Marriage is no substitute
for growing up.
Talk back to Tom Keane at