Not every church fears gay marriage

11 February 2004

"When I was ordained in 1975, it never occurred to me that this would be the dominant issue I would face." Those are the words of the Rev. John H. Thomas, president of the United Church of Christ. The subject is gay marriage, an issue that to perhaps an unprecedented degree is now entangling both church and state, forcing each, often uncomfortably, to accommodate to the other.

In its majority opinion in Goodridge, last November's court case that required Massachusetts allow gays to marry, the Supreme Judicial Court went out of its way to portray its actions as occurring solely in the civil sphere. The court said its "obligation is to define the liberty of all, not to mandate our own moral code." Religion, in effect, had nothing to do with it.

But that's not really true. When it comes to gay marriage, Thomas says, "You can't keep the two arenas of church and state separate."

The reason is that most of us look to religion to guide our ethical behavior. Government and laws tell us what we can and cannot do. Religion, on the other hand, tells us what we should or should not do. It's an important distinction. Yet, when it comes to marriage, religion and government intersect. For both church and state, marriage is a normative institution - it's the way we think people should organize their lives. Both church and state strongly encourage marriage. The government does so with tax incentives and other legal advantages. Religions do so with powerful moral guidelines that discourage non-marital sexual activity and encourage committed and exclusive relationships.

Indeed, when it comes to marriage, clergy function as agents of the state - not only do they marry people in a religious or sacramental sense, but they also marry them in a civil sense. And now, with Goodridge, gay (and non-gay) parishioners increasingly want to know what their church thinks about the prospect of civil gay marriage. Should gays get married or not? And does the church approve?

For some, the answer is no.

The Catholic Church, for example, has made clear its opposition to gay marriage or anything else (such as civil unions) that smacks of government approval or support for gay relationships. Given the church's dominance in the region, it's hardly unexpected its position has gotten so much attention. And it certainly isn't alone. Many other conservative denominations oppose gay marriage, including, to the surprise of many, a number of African-American religious organizations such as the Black Ministerial Alliance and the Ten Point Coalition.

The posture of those churches ends up leaving gays in the lurch. If they aren't to get married, then what should gays do? Never have long-term, meaningful relationships? Live their lives adrift, unguided by any religion whatsoever? Hate themselves for who they are?

Those questions pose deep challenges for a number of churches. Marriage, Thomas argues, "is the primary way in which human community is ordered." From the point of view of most religions, marriage is as significant of a life event as birth or death. Moreover, churches are "called to provide pastoral support for those who want to enter into a relationship with each other," he says.

This logic, one would think, should impel a church toward recognizing and sanctifying gay marriage.

Locally, many agree. At a recent conference, a number of downtown churches stressed their support for gay marriage. Boston's Arlington Street Church, part of the Unitarian-Universalist denomination, had its first church "celebration of love" for a gay couple in 1973. Episcopalian Trinity Church, with 3,700 households, has been struggling to come to a position but expects that by midsummer it will be blessing same-sex relationships. Old South Church, part of the United Church of Christ, also is comfortable with gay unions.

Many Protestant churches can do this because their denominations are less hierarchical than the Catholic Church. Yet, eventually the issue filters upward.

Episcopalians, for example, are in near-schism over last summer's elevation to bishop of an openly gay priest in a long-term relationship. It's not simply that he was gay but that most within the Episcopal Church also recognized the decision was but a short step away from concluding gay relationships themselves should be sanctified.

The United Church of Christ, with 325 churches in the Boston metropolitan area, is in much the same position. Thomas says that while his denomination clearly has consensus about the full legal rights of gays and lesbians, it does not when it comes to marriage. Eventually, he expects there will be. In the short run, he sees "volatility, conflict and shifting around" on the issue. In the long run, however, "we're on a trajectory toward more acceptance," he says. Massachusetts is now awash with debate about reversing Goodridge and banning gay marriage. It may in fact do so. Yet, in the religious sphere, thinks Thomas, "There's no turning back."

Talk back to Tom Keane at TomKeane@TomKeane.com.